


The Curious Case Of No Assassinations

by loki_of_jotunheim



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loki_of_jotunheim/pseuds/loki_of_jotunheim
Summary: Normally, every time someone passes Resistance To Interrogation at Malagasto, their graduation is an assassination. Somehow, there's no one to assasinate, or it's too risky. The newest person to be given their assignment isn't sure. But this replacement was just straight up weird.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46
Collections: Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Inspired Works





	The Curious Case Of No Assassinations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pongnosis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pongnosis/gifts), [Zyzyax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zyzyax/gifts).



Ita, freshly arrived in the hotel room, blinked at the papers inside the envelope for a good few seconds. Maybe RTI was still messing with their head, but this assignment was just straight up _weird_. It could just be deliberately weird, because Scorpia would do that, and was questioning the assignment at all considered problematic? Why a ...teddy bear? Was it transporting information hidden in the fibers? Was there a nuclear weapons inside? Was it actually just a very important stuffed animal? Ita knew assassinations were out of the question for graduation assignments for the moment (why was anyone's guess. No work for the moment, or there was too much scrutiny. Ita suspected the latter causing the former.) but this replacement just seemed random.

If Ita let the questions continue, they knew they'd sit there all night wondering, so they pushed it out of their mind and went to sleep. After today's flight they needed it.

The security around the...teddy bear, Ita still couldn't get over that, was....incredibly impressive. It would require never touching the floor, modifying a gun to shoot something to block the heat sensors in the room, and getting access to the roofing system and securing a rappelling line into the room. Possibly shooting a few people if they were found but the way the assignment was given made it sound as if being found was failure. Ita assumed it was regardless.

It took a few days, but by the end of the first half of the week they had been given, the measures were in place. They had modified a riffle to fire a room temperature package (cold would set off the heat sensors too) that would attach to the sensors with magnets and adhesives. They would explode about half an hour after Ita had left the area, as per the instructions. The assignment just kept getting weirder and weirder. 

The night came. Ita lowered themself slightly over the edge of the opening in the tile, but not enough to trigger the motiom sensors. They were proud of their work on those to be honest. The packages landed exactly where they needed to be and Ita double checked the alarm system they had hacked into to ensure they'd remained undetected. So far, success!

The bear was easily retrieved from the shelf it sat on, even with the tripwire nearby it and the other measures, and back up into the ceiling Ita went. Despite their temptation to watch the explosion, they logged out of the system and erased all traces of their presence in the system and in their hotel room.

The bear was....just a teddy bear, as described. The bafflement grew and grew, but Ita showed none of it and headed to the extraction point as ordered. They handed over the stuffed animal without a trace of their questions and sat in the car that arrived to pick them up.

They arrived at Malagasto and were summoned to Chase's temporary office. They waited quietly for the man to speak as he read through the mission files.

"Well done, Ita." He said first, placing the file down. "You did exactly as ordered and successfully retrieved a valuable piece of SCORPIA property, as well as sending a message to the people holding it." 

"Yes, sir." Ita wasn't sure if thanking the man was appropriate. He seemed pleased by the response, none-the-less. 

"I'm sure you have questions about why this was your assignment." He studied them carefully. 

"Only if permitted, sir." Ita replied carefully. "Otherwise I have no interest."

"For this particular assignment, interest is warranted. It belongs to one of our board members. MI5 claimed it as a power play. It's not horribly important to the board member in question, but it's a matter of principal and image. MI5 being unable to protect a silly stuffed animal... that's telling."

"Yes, sir." Ita agreed, privately agreeing. It wasn't exactly undefended but no-one besides MI5 would realize that, and if Scorpia had the whispers out early enough, they had no chance at repairing that facet of their image. A petty but valuable dent.

Ita also realized this was testing their attachment to Scorpia. Would they do the oddest assignments with as little hesitation as they should an assassination? Scorpia needed unquestioning loyalty and trust. 

Ita showed none of this on their face as they waited for Chase's next words. He was watching them carefully and seemingly was satisfied. He pushed some paperwork toward them.

"Your contract." He said, and Ita read it quickly for the last time before signing. It was the same as it had been before. They returned it to Chase.

He nodded, pleased. "Welcome to Scorpia, Ita. Your callsign is Ghost."

"Yes, sir." Ghost said. The man dismissed them with a sharp nod and the door shut behind them with a soft click.

Before they left, they glimpsed motion in the reflection of the doors hinges.

They vowed to never, ever mention what they'd seen. 

There wasn't a single mention of the theft in MI5, but teddy bears managed to show up in a lot of places around their offices, and other intelligence agencies, such as the CIA. 

MI5 would not _ever_ live this down. 

Brendan waited until Ghost had almost left entirely, but couldn't wait any longer and snatched up the bear, cradling it to his chest and cooing at it reassuringly. 

"Oh, my poor Teddy, you're safe now. Daddy's got you."

**Author's Note:**

> I was rereading Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. I wondered what would happen if SCORPIA suddenly couldn't assassinate someone and someone else was about to graduate. Mesh that with crack fic craving and this is what I got. (edited for formatting and spelling errors. I originally wrote this on my phone at close to midnight.)


End file.
